Vijayalakshmi S. Gubbi

Vijayalakshmi S. Gubbi, 77, passed away Friday, December 23, 2022 at her son’s home in Medford, NJ.

Born July 31, 1945, in Mysore, India, she was the daughter of the late N.V. Sreekantiah and late N.S. Visalakshi. Vijaya came to this country in 1967 and worked as the Technical Services Manager at the New York University Law Library for over 40 years until her retirement in 2018. She enjoyed being with her family and friends and has travelled extensively around the world.

She is survived by her husband, Gubbi Murthy of Staten Island, NY; her son Narendra Gubbi and his wife Veena Gubbi of Medford, NJ; 2 granddaughters, Namitha Lakshmi and Nikitha Lakshmi of Medford, NJ. She is also survived by her 3 sisters Pushpa, Champa and Anitha of Bangalore, India.

A viewing and puja will be held Saturday, December 24th, 2022 beginning at 2:30pm at LeRoy P. Wooster Funeral Home & Crematory, 441 White Horse Pike, Atco, NJ. To view the live stream of the service click here . The family requests all those attending the service to please wear a mask.

Eulogy From Mr. Narendra Gubbi:

Thank you everyone for being here in person to attend my mother’s viewing today in spite of the once in a generation frigid cold temperature in the teens. Also thank you for those who are viewing the live webcast all over the world especially for those in India where its 2am or something in the morning.

I just want to say a few words about my mother and share some of the things that have come to my mind in the last 24 hours. I know she meant a lot of things to a lot of people. We all know how kind and loving she was to all people – family and friends. She is a great person and a trailblazer in the Gubbi family that has shaped our future generations.

She was born in Mysore, India and is the eldest of 5 sisters. She was very close to her sister Pushpa while growing up since they were only 3 years apart and they kind of look the same with the same height too. At the age of 18, she married by Dad and she moved to Madras. My Dad says that she was a very free-spirited person and stubborn and he had his hands full with her.

From the very beginning of the marriage, she somehow had the idea about coming to America in order to live a better life and she convinced my Dad to apply for a PHD program at NYU. This was a difficult decision for my Dad to leave his family and all in India in the mid-60s since he is the eldest son and felt obligated to provide for his entire family. So my Dad came here in August of 1966 and my Mom followed one year later in August 1967 while I joined them in June 1973.

Once my Dad completed his degree, he was having a difficult time in finding a job and they decided to go back to India in December 1969. But before they left, they booked a Greyhound tour of the US and were to leave right after the tour ended. They had their bags all packed and ready but by some miracle, my Mom got a good paying job at the NYU Science and Engineering Library. The salary was enough for them to stay here and soon thereafter, my Dad also got a job. But it was my Mom’s job that turned everything around. If she had not found a job, we nor any of the Gubbi’s would be in this country.

I believe their first trip to India was in 1971 where their primary job was to convince me to come to America. I was 6 years old at that time and I grew up thinking my grandparents were my real parents and I called my real parents as – akka & bhava. I refused to come with my parents to this country because I didn’t want to stay with my elder sister and brother-in-law and since I was the only “son” to my grandparents, I was the most spoiled kid.

I came to this country in 1973 because I was a really bad student and got beaten with a ruler a lot by my teachers in India. My Mom and Dad convinced me that teachers are not allowed to hit children in school in this country. That was good enough for me. My chickappa brought me over to this country in 1973 and I had a new father and mother.

While growing up in this country, since I was an only child, my Mom was my best friend. She spoiled me so much and was the best cook in the world. Her Gulab Jamoons and Hall-byes and especially her rasgoolas were the best in the world. Sure enough, I gained a lot of weight and went from a scrawny kid to an overweight tween. My Mom and I used to go to movies together too and one day she took me to a movie called Ordinary People and I had no idea what it was all about but during the movie and after, I saw that she was crying so much and I had no idea why. Decades later I found out that her crying was associated with the guilt she had of leaving me in India.

In the last 16 months, after my parents moved in with us, I grew a lot closer to my mother and we talked about everything and she was telling me so many stories of everyone in years’ past. During one of these conversations, I told her not to feel any guilt about leaving me in India because it gave me an opportunity to live with my grandparents and aunts who to this day, I consider as my sisters. This was the best gift for me because I had another mother and father in India. I told her I got the best of all worlds because of her sacrifice. I know she felt better after I told her that.

My mother was in great health up until the early part of 2020. When Veena and Namitha went to India for a wedding, they noticed how Amma could not walk that much anymore without getting tired. She visited doctor’s in India and they recommended further tests and my parents got the tests done in the US when they came back in March 2020 just before the Covid outbreak.

Further testing revealed that she had a condition called idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis and I remember when my parents came to our house and my Mom gave us the diagnosis at that time that she had 1-3 years to live. She said it as a matter of fact while Veena and I were in complete disbelief. For the remaining part of 2020, her condition started to get marginally worse but what made it go down a lot was after she took both her Covid shots at which point she became noticeably weaker. Her condition was getting worse and her pulsox numbers had dipped into the 50s when we took her to the ER in Staten Island. She came out of the hospital and rehab but she came attached to an oxygen concentrator.

When they moved into our house, her condition was pretty bad. In fact, I didn’t even think my Mom would make it to my house during the drive from Staten Island to Medford. We got her settled and got the right doctors and medicines and she became stable. My Dad was the primary caregiver and he has done a lot for my Mom. We could not have done it without my Dad.

I tell my Dad that my Mom became old instantly in the last 16 months. She was such a vibrant and self-sufficient person and she became totally dependent which she never wanted.

But we were so happy to have my Mom and Dad come and live with us. Veena and I used to make it a point to talk to Amma just after we came home from work. My Mom and Veena had such a special relationship unlike any mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. She considered Veena as her missing daughter and they talked all the time. In fact, she always took Veena’s side in any disagreements and was closer to my Mom than me. I never called my parents to talk but Veena from Day 1 of our marriage used to call Amma almost every other day and they developed such a special relationship.

My Mom’s condition worsened over the last few months and we thought we would lose her about 5 weeks ago when she was not eating any food and her mind just elsewhere. But her doctor told her us to stop her very powerful lung medications and within 2 weeks, my Mom was getting better and was able to talk and got her mind back. But since the lung medication had stopped, her condition got worse and we were able to get another month from her. She and I talked about Death often and she always wished for God to let her die in her sleep. I am so happy that God gave her, her wish and she did die peacefully in her sleep yesterday.

She had a great life and had absolutely no regrets. It was an honor and privilege to take care of my mother in her last years’ of her life in our home. She was the inspiration of my life and though we will all miss her, I know that she is not suffering anymore and is in a better place.

Thank you.